With and without words
I can touch the colors
On a Golden morning
Before the world awakes.
Before the first dog barks.
The first rooster crows.
The sunrise belongs to me.
And I can smell the light
Familiar like childhood
The same golden light
That has followed me
Throughout youth
As a woman.
As a mother.
Each time it hits my face it says hello
And it sings music.
As the world awakes
To the beautiful moment I have witnessed
Being born.
A new day.
Time is forever.
Ever moving.
Ever constant.
We can not stop time.
We grow with it.
We age with it.
Slowly holding its hand to the final end
That leaves us with eyes closed.
But while our eyes are open.
I want to give you forever.
Ever moving.
Every morning.
Ever constant.
We cannot stop time.
But I want to be a part of your time.
Slowly holding your hand while you
Walk through this world alive.
And when you notice the time
I want you to smile and
Think of me.
With your eyes wide open.
I want to give you forever.
I want to give you Time.
I want to give you eternity.
Longer than Time.
It was late at night and she saw a star
And she made a wish she couldn’t remember
When she opened her eyes several years later
And saw a falling star.
She made a new wish but time went by
And the years ran free
Of fireflies
And nights spent looking at the skies
Became restless consistency.
And on those nights the wishes made
Will quietly follow me to my grave
Time turns the soul inside itself a slave
To the mind that sees its future in a cage
Looking out into a sea of stars
Searching for dreams that cannot be.
Feeling the steady leak of youthfulness
Draining from every pore that’s part of me.
And yet still before I open my eyes I see
A part of me that is a part of what we are.
The child inside me begging to be free
Who opens her eyes to a wish.
A falling star.
I’m 38.
Last cup of tea.
Last cup of coffee.
Maybe.
Last beer.
Last cigarette.
Last whiskey.
I won’t forget.
The bartender didn’t know how to pour a god damned drink straight.
I drank it chilled.
Forgived her.
I saw what you were looking at.
I was there.
Did you stay up late?
I did.
You left me not to wait.
I’ll age before I see you.
Hear from you.
Hear from me.
I’ll hide politely.
Like a story.
That hasn’t been read yet.
A script.
I broke down the locations
Get a grip I did my part
Where are you?
You fell asleep.
You watch tv
You don’t see me.
You don’t watch me
You said goodnight.
While I made my tea
Turned out the light
Thought youd wait
Why would I?
Why would you?
I see what you were looking at
Not me
Not exact
I broke down
When I realized that
And I won’t forget.
38.
My Last regret.
You do not know.
What I’ll say yet.
In between the moments I am me.
I am set aside.
The poetry.
The landslide
That you are just not ready
For.
I’ve given you my 38
39 is not yours.
“tomorrow, next week, sometime, maybe”
I’ll change my ways.
I’ll be free.
I’ll take a walk in my shoes.
Learn who I am.
Who is me.
Maybe.
But tomorrow I am busy.
Next week, who knows where I’ll be.
Sometime in the future.
I’ll make time.
You’ll see.
“tomorrow, next week, sometime, maybe”
I’ll do just what I say.
I haven’t had the time as of yet.
And I have no time today.
But Tomorrow holds a new sun rise
And I’ll add it to my list.
If I have the time
I’ll write tonight
The things I know I’ve missed.
So I remember.
If not tomorrow.
Next week.
I’ll have time then.
You’ll see.
“tomorrow, next week, sometime, maybe”
I know I said I would.
I thought a time would fall in place
Where it was easy that I could.
And I waited for the sun to rise
And then I watched it set
And every day the same surprise
Of sadness and regret.
That is hasn’t happened yet.
I know you don’t believe me.
But you’ll see.
“tomorrow, next week, sometime, maybe”
It’s the words
That scream from the leaves
As I press them
Between paper
And squeeze the life out of them
While I wait to enjoy their outline
Drying out
Crying out
To be saved
A war within my mind as I press them
Between paper
And open them weeks later
No my darling, I’ve not forgotten you
You
Are
New.
Oh yes.
I see you.
Let me peel away the paper
Let me foil away the wrapper
Let me see whatever flower
You are after
It’s the words that lie on paper
Not the feelings made
Shortly after
You read them
Press this.
I see you.
I see you wake up in the morning.
I watch you remember me.
Slowly open your eyes
With
Without the sunrise
Hopeful you’ll hold yourself in the mirror
The outline that is you.
Feel yourself in your skin again.
That was yesterday.
Today is a new day.
That pulls apart
The empty shell that you can hardly recognize.
Looking back at you.
Will hold your gaze
As you lock eyes
With the one you have become.
And the pain swallows you
Alive but you are numb.
A new normal that is you.
Though you don’t see me.
I watch you.
Though you know me
I am not you.
The grass bends with every step my feet touch the color of the earth soil-screaming against the movement that each vibration touches
its being
gently paving a path of where I have walked.
Quietly like the wind.
Unnoticed.
But without it
You notice.
That the leaves do not move on the trees unless you blow them.
That the air is still and damp without the breath of the sun.
The ocean doesn’t move unless you let it
The rivers do not know which way to turn
And with every season turning
We forget it.
Might we walk barefoot
And take the weight off our feet
Walk along the grass
And off the street
And create a path
That screams against the silence
That breathes the life back into the wind
That shakes the trees– and makes the ocean violent
And winds the rivers right between your knees
May you walk along the earth and feel your presence
Light the world and your breath become the life
That dances alongside me in the grasses
And be the wind
That makes me feel Alive.
Who are we.
Where we silence our own voices.
Lend our minds to the choices
That we touch fragmented in the mirror.
Against the broken glass
I drop
The lonely need of wanting to be free.
What bird am I that lends itself to be
I am me.
Let me be.
Let me fly. Let me weep. Let me laugh let me cry.
Let me learn to say goodbye
What we are.
Who are we.
Let our voices set us free
Who are you.
What is me?
Against the silence.
I am lonely.
I knew you as a child.
I remembered your voice well before your face.
On the phone answering for my father.
Where you’d always say hello long enough to make me shy. And I gave the call over.
You watched me grow.
From a child into a child.
But my mind was without reason still
And my garden was too wild.
And you waited
Until age set me free
And you opened up the cage
And let me fly without wings
And I loved you.
And I lived inside your mess
Inside your mind inside your world
In your job and holiness
And had your children
And withdrew all I knew
Then made something different
That would be a part of you
But something changed.
I did not grow.
With time or age.
I did not know.
I lost track of time.
I lost track of me.
And I lost the person
I used to be.
When you knew me.
When I knew you.
When we knew eachother
And love was new
Until age set me free
And you opened up the cage
I would not have jumped
Into the fiery pit of rage
That changed me.
When I wouldn’t grow
Found me
Lost in a place I did not know.
Where I remember your voice.
