undone

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That leaf has lost its sun
It’s pale and it’s leaves undone
No flower to set aside
The emptiness that’s inside
The green that will never grow
The flower that
Never glows
I’ve planted the tiny seed
That makes me fall to my knees
And I water you.
And I wait for you to grow.

I wake to every day
I see you inside my sleep
I feed you my warm embrace
Inside you my soul you keep
I wait in the night for you
But seemingly you are through
But still my heart aches and shakes
Remembering Love we made
I’ve fallen and I’m undone.

Insides ar e breaking numb
Branches I limp I’m sore
I carry you never more but the memory
Is heavy still
I lost my faith in you
In everything that you do
But yet heart yearns for you
That leaf has lost its sun.
And I’ve come undone.

Christmas

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Where christmas reminds me of so many things

And the poetry grows with each memory 

I see.  

In childhood the lights and the crocheted bells 

My grandmother made 

Where there was only one left after my parents house 

Flooded away like a memory 

Of christmas.  

The visits.  

The gate left open so it was easy to drive in 

A welcome mat.  

A memory.  

And now the same meals 

The same turkey 

The same family 

Less my father.  

The man who made everyday christmas.  

My real life santa Claus

Though i rarely asked him for things i wanted.  

They magically appeared 

And as i grew older through the years 

He was the gift i wanted most.  

More time.  

To get into his truck.  

To watch the sun rise.  

To watch the sun set.  

To take pictures of absolutely nothing 

But time.  

Where christmas reminds me of so many things.  

My daddy reminds me of mine.   

Thank you

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He shakes you.  

Awakes you.  

All at once i remember how to spell my name. 

I write it carefully 

And I hear the music 

I hear my heart beat 

I feel myself dancing sitting still 

And still I dance 

Without moving 

And I lose sight of what I was thinking 

Until what I was thinking 

Is what I am thinking and 

I see myself for the first time 

Sitting still 

Moving 

While I’m breathing 

Believing in myself 

After he woke me up.  

Thank you.  

Sheets

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Buttons pulled through the fabrics of our imagination
You undress me with your mind
In simple words I write on paper
To remember
That I lose
Somewhere between my freedom
And the truth
I watch you cry
And I cry
And I swallow my freedom
Well before I die
Inside myself I’ve died a thousand times
While I watch you wait
For me to change my mind
Where my mind is made
Each time I see us kiss
Inside my mind I feel the soft
Intense
Touch that leaves my body motionless.
And life returns to me with just a whisper
The gentle words that leave your lips
They linger
And they wet my tongue with sweetness long thereafter I read
Your thoughts on a blanket nearly numb.
Where the idea of you makes me come undone.
And I’m naked close beside you
Taking in.
Emotions I may never feel again.
The touch of your words
What you find.
In the fabric of my imagination.
Undress me with your mind.

Tide

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I turn on my dreams in my pillow.
The sound awakens me.
But my mind returns to the rain
And the ocean gently singing me to sleep
It tries
In waves
That escape my breath
As I hold the thought of you
My longing
between my fingers
Tightly clenched
Along the soft stitched silks of my blanket
That are quietly curled
Between my fingers
Silently waiting
For you to fill my hands with
Tomorrow.

To Be

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AD6B2C4F-F975-4BDF-A3CF-2282112A9B13I want to be a leaf.
I want to fall from the tree
Waiting to touch the ground
Having never felt it’s surface
I want to change color and drift
Along the wind
Landing somewhere in time
Where a child finds me
And keeps me in a book
I overlook years later.

I want to be a bird.
I want to fly over the mountains.
I want to swing through the clouds.
Breathe them in
I want to smell their scent
Like morning on my wings.
Where I drift like feathers
Softly falling in the wind
And I fly over memories
That I’ll never see again.

I want to be a window
That stays open to the rain
Let’s the air breathe through its door
Let’s the sun in.
That you look through
When your mind starts to wander
That follows your eyes
Closed and wide and captures the dreams and laughter
Of the moments you’ve made me smile.

I want to be your friend.
And come and sit awhile
By your side
Without needing to say a word
Look you in the eyes
And be understood
I want to hold your hand
I want to feel your touch
More than just a friend.
So much more than that is love.

But I am only me.
Myself is my friend.
And the language that I speak
Only I understand
I do not fall like the leaf
But I stay open in the rain
I cannot fly like a bird
Or love you like a friend.

I want.
I want.
To be.
Me.
Again.

Paint

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The sound of leaves falling 

Makes me smell paint 

Early in the morning I feel 

The rain before it comes 

Blowing against my outstretched 

Hands I hold the light. 

And I carry it within until night 

But it is the moon 

That lets me sleep and tears 

Away my dreams too soon 

They grow like flowers and die inside themselves 

Shattering their seeds into mirrors of glass 

I see myself looking in to.  

In my own painting 

Quietly awaiting to be painted over.  

Part of Me

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I am uncertain which part of me remembers 

The other side of morning when the world stopped 

It’s turning to let the sun rise. 

The sky was a different color I can no longer paint.  

And each part of me begs for forgiveness for 

Breaking the limbs and the branches off 

The old oak tree.  

For they no longer carry beauty.  

I walk away without my eyes 

Having left them in the mirror 

Staring at my own reflection 

Wet from the sunset 

I lie there glistening 

Like the tears I wait to fall

Blind inside my own shadow 

My empty rooms that guide me to my heart 

Scared in a closet 

Waiting for the moon to turn on the light 

And the stars to fall 

So that I might make a wish 

And find the in between of the days 

I’d spend with you 

There you in the mirror 

Like the birds you throw your bread to. 

Carefully you wait 

Watch 

It loses its shimmer in the pale afternoon 

When you pull out your chair 

Aware of the darkness approaching 

I turn on a light.  

I turn it off 

I open the window to let light in. 

All at once I feel me in my hand 

Fly away like a bird 

But I’m asleep 

Storing dreams and clouds and words and rocks 

And I’ll keep them in my cardboard box 

Until it gets wet 

From memories I can’t forget 

And dreams I’m too blind to see. 

I’m uncertain which part of me 

Remembers the other side of me.  

Daddy

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I can see the lines in your face
The memories painted on your skin
The familiar spots along your arms
And the fading ink on your shoulder
Where my eyes focused defending the moment
Against the emotion welling up in my eyes
Until I couldn’t see through them
But I dare not shed a drop
To lose a memory
A moment in time so grateful that I had
This is not the end….
I can see you telling your stories
Without words now the images
Still circulating in your mind
There are things you’ve yet to say
Words for me to write down
So that I remember
The sound of your voice
And the smell of your presence
As you say them.
Burying them deep in my mind
So that I might dig them up
Like a child someday
Finding the treasures of her childhood.
Where you certainly were mine.
Locked away now in a box
Buried in the lives of many
The memory holds you still alive
In the moments that I find myself
Searching for You in the place
That is my heart.

The Northern Wind: Goodnight Jessie June

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Let me go.
Goodnight Jessie June
Sleep beside me
My child
While my leaves run dry
Where my water
Is wasted
On moments I can’t remember
In cold winds of waves like the water
Let me hold you
For the last time.
Embrace you that is me
My sweet child
My Jessie June.

There are worlds that hold our hearts together
Oceans
Water
Memories
Emotion
Let it all flow like a river
I can control
I can’t control the current of the river
Nor the waves of the ocean
I can’t move mountains
But I can move you.